Due to recent life changing events, I find myself pondering what it is like when you go from the lofty goal of self-actualization and find yourself mired in the lower levels of Maslow Heirarchy of Needs. An perceived ring of Dante’s Inferno. Fortunately, that is only as far down as I’ve gone.
My problems of six months ago, I now consider First World Problems. Which bathing suit shall I wear on vacation? Does my son have the proper training equipment for t-ball? Do I need to switch up my dog food to something more healthful for my pup’s skin and itching? I was ready and willing to purchase an answer.
We’ve gone from buying organic to affordable. Missing my yoga class in favor of bird dogging Craigslist and teaching myself HTML.
Wait a minute. Am I even the same person who left a job because it wasn’t fulfilling enough to spend time away from my son? I was worried that I was gaining a little too much weight around my middle. I didn’t like to be seen in public without my signature glittery manicure. I squandered what I could have been saving on new suits and shoes.
These days, when I feel particularly pitiful and sorry for myself, I waste energy contemplating how it is that the people I see on television are so freaking wealthy when they appear to be no smarter than I. I drag myself down with perceived injustice, when the blame lies squarely with my own poor decisions. Why did I trade in my Chevy? Is having an I Phone and data plan really that necessary?
But there is nothing I can do about it, what’s in the past is there. In the past. Maybe I am a little more sympathtic because I am more aware of the people around me who aren’t as blessed as I am. To them I might look like a crazy rich lady. My buying affordable food may be a First World problem to someone who can buy none.
I have to wonder a little, if I didn’t, in some way, wish this “reset” upon myself. Was there some tiny, subconscious need to appreciate the things and people around me, the need to have a little more empathy for others? Perhaps I did not appreciate all of the gifts that I’ve been given and still possess. Gifts like love, heath, laughter and my family. If that is the case, then perhaps I’ve been given a gift that I have yet to realize.
And in this World where life can change on a dime, I’m counting on this tiny misfortune to pass as quickly as it came about. Bad things sometime happen, and if you don’t take away a lesson from it, then they are bound to happen again. And in a very strange way, I feel more self-actualized than when I sported my glitter polish. When our inevitable turn around comes (and it will), I hope I will have learned my lesson, that it is okay to have wishes and dreams, but they’d better be more substantive than a pair of shoes.